I wake up gasping for air

because I forgot how to breath.

I go through the day

hand clasped over my chest

trying to slow it’s beat.

Tears stain my cheeks

as I smile through the agony,

Longing to be held

longing to let go.

My thoughts are haunted

with pain from the past.

Everywhere I look

I see the demons that want to take me.

I’m filled with fatigue

and my legs crave to crash beneath me.

The world spins

and I find a wall

to hold me still.

As my day ends I lay awake

begging myself

to succumb to my dreams.

But my body won’t still

and my thoughts keep rolling.

I’m tired from the battle

I keep fighting inside my head.

I want to live, but I only know

how to Survive.

People tell me to be strong

“Woman up and smile”.

Can’t they say that every day

I’m trying?

Everyday fighting

for my survival.

How do I live, when I only survive?