I head to bed as the days’ light still flows through the window
Is it the depression setting in again?

Distracted by other people’s lives
Forgetting to live mine

Stuck in a never ending loop
Wasting away what should be the best years of my youth
I want to break this cycle
Run away and start somewhere new

But I’m afraid the problem sits deep in me
So deep a surgeon’s knife won’t find it
I smile
But only for a short time

Because that starts to get irritating
Pretending
It makes me angry
the loneliness I surround myself with

Inside and out
Outside and in
I laugh to cover the tears
Insecurities surface

And I blame everyone around me
I suffer in silence
because that’s all too familiar
Comfort in the quiet

Disturbed in comfort
Wasting away
Wasting away
Is this what was always meant to be?

Desperate for company
Dying alone
Following the fate of my father
Is this what they mean by generational curses?

Aching for freedom
Freedom from the prison in my mind
Freedom from pain
Freedom from this world

Did that get too dark?
Should I recluse back to the corners of my mind?
Keep my streamless thoughts inside?

I pull the covers back over my face
I’ll pretend it’s night
and find escape in my dreams
or nightmares
whichever ones come for me first