There are things that happen in the world that none of us can really explain or understand. I have always believed in the ghost stories my grandmother told us growing up. The stories of her parents and her grandparents. The ghosts that haunted their homes and my mother when she was young. Supposedly our family is strongly connected to the spirit world. Dreams of premonitions, intuitive instincts, communication with those on another side. And from a young age I have always felt that connection. My dreams always hold strong meanings, sometimes even revealing the future. Sometimes they guide me and help me to make decisions. I never understood where it came from, and sometimes even now as an adult, I maybe doubt some of the stories I was told.

Maybe it’s part of the generational trauma, and darkness just follows us. Maybe I do believe there is someone protecting me, keeping me in the light.

I’m not really sure what the answer is. But I do believe dark and light energies exist in our world. They exist in us. I think we all have the potential to tap into both the dark and light energies. And sometimes some of us are pulled more in one direction.

I think there was a time in my life where I was surrounded with darkness. I think it tried to consume me. I almost gave in.

Where I am in my life now, I don’t feel that same darkness. There have been moments where I felt it trying to come back, but I’m stronger than I was as a kid.

---

The feelings are back. I know something isn’t right, something bad is going to happen.

I always felt like I had some sort of sixth sense, knowing when bad things were going to happen before they did.

Sometimes it was a gut feeling, other times is came in a dream.

I have recurring nightmares. Two in particular.

One of Nazis, I’m not sure why I always dream of them – but they are always coming after me. Usually looking for me, seeking me out, until they discover where I am and then I run for it, hoping they can’t catch me.

The other dream there is this dark shadowing figure following me around. It’s a man, definitely a man. And he wears this wide cowboy type hat. I never see his face, but when he appears he just seems to tag along behind me. Lingering. Watching.

It always feels like a warning.

I’m not sure what really what type of warning, but that’s what it feels like.

The worst nights of sleep I have is when I wake up but can’t breath. I can’t move. It’s like my body is frozen, and my face is against the pillow and no matter how hard I try to move so I can breath, I can’t.

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She started sleeping with her precious moments bible under her pillow. She hasn’t been brought up religious, the only time she really goes to church is when her grandma takes her. But her dreams scare her. The man scares her.

She thinks the bible will protect her. I think she’s seen too many scary movies, if I’m being honest.

She also started reciting prayers, especially the Lord’s Prayer. She taught it to herself Psalm 23, I think she’s convinced the demons are going to come for her soul.

I’ve even become a ghost story, she doesn’t tell other people but thinks of me a lot. Wondering who I was, why I was sitting in her room watching her. Where I came from, what I wanted.

I haunt her mind.

If only she knew…

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It’s a little chilly tonight. I’m with my stepmom and the man at Starbucks. Ugh I can’t believe I am sitting here.

But hey, I have Starbucks and I mean at least someone is giving me attention.

I can’t help but feel like something bad is in my home. I keep feeling the draw to go back, but the draw feels evil.

Dark.

I’m actually a little scared.

I look over at my stepmom and tell her.

Something is wrong.

She believes me – I think.

We start to walk back but the closer we get the worse I feel.

I feel heavy.

My insides are burning and when I close my eyes all I see is fire.

No. Not just fire. A burning cross.

There’s something definitely dark at home.

As I walk into the condo I just fall to my knees, I can’t be here. I need to leave. I need to be outside. I need to get out.

I feel like I am going crazy, like my mind is twisting and the fire is consuming me. None of this makes sense.

Whatever that is here is pure evil.

I go outside, I can’t be in here. I feel like I am in two worlds at once. The one where I am in, consumed with fire, and the one my dad and sister are in- completely unaware.

My stepmom calls her friend, for some reason they start searching the room. I can’t think straight. Something wants me. No, something wants to hurt me.

I’ve made it to the playground now. I see my stepmom has something in her hands. She’s found something and convinced this is source of evil.

It’s just a piece of paper, my sister and I sometimes make our own Quija boards – we did it one summer at our grandmother’s not too long ago. This must be one of them.

I’m kneeling in the sand now, praying for help. I don’t even know if anything is actually coming out of my mouth.

Darkness.

It’s everywhere.

It’s like I am there, with the fire and the cross. I see shadows now, I can’t tell if it’s in my mind or in front of me. Too much is happening. I can’t make sense of it all.

And all at once, everything stops.

A calmness surrounds me and the burning cross in my mind disappear.

The shadows vanish.

Silence.

I look up and remember where I am. The playground, it’s dark because it’s evening. I stand up and hold myself. I leave my stepmom and her friend in the park, wanting the safety of my pillow.

I don’t really understand or know what happened.

But I wasn’t alone. And I know that somehow this isn’t finished.

But for now, I am safe.

Protected.

I need to sleep.

---

Watching her suffer like that was hard. She had no idea where that evil was really coming from, and how connected to it she really is.

How it surrounds her.

It’s constantly trying to drown her. Swallow her.

I felt it too.

Honestly it’s been there for a while, slowly building stronger.

She’s been ignoring it for so long until tonight.

Tonight it came full force. It stared her down and tried to take her.

She thinks her stepmom took care of the evil tonight, she didn’t. She’s not strong enough too, and she’s too much a part of it to fully get rid of it herself.

I had to intervene tonight.

It’s too soon, she wasn’t strong enough.

She felt me. I watched her face change the moment the darkness left her and the calm set in.

She knew it was gone.

I think she knows.

She prayed again tonight, and double checked that her bible was still under her pillow.

If only she knew.