Vulnerability: the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
Being emotionally vulnerable is one of the hardest things for me to do. Especially in relationships. Why? What am is there to be so scared of?
Well let’s see:
- Life obstacles
Let’s just start with these. Let’s be real here, there’s been a time when we’ve all felt some of these things. If not all. Sometimes we feel these things at the same time. I’ve been hurt, and because of that hurt I’ve let it interfere with my relationships with others (romantic and otherwise). It sucks. And everytime I’ve been hurt, I’m finding it harder and harder to be vulnerable with the next person.
This time I messed up. Relationships need some sort of vulnerability. We have to recognize that yes, by letting this person in they could hurt me- but also trusting that other person not to. I know these things. But it’s still one of the hardest things for me to do. I build a wall around me, to keep me from getting hurt. That wall went up to high this time.
And I want to be able to just open up and everything be all perfect and romantic. But it’s not that simple. This time I wanted it to work so much I was scared to get to close, in turn I pushed him away. And it sucks. Because I know I hold some responsibility. All because I was too late to let him in. I didn’t let my emotions show like I wanted to. I was scared. Scared of messing it up-well way to go there, Amber. Scared of being hurt, again seriously? Scared of being happy- I know, the absurdity. I let those fears dictate the direction of this relationship-not necessarily consciously. But it happened. And if I could do it again, I’d kiss him back in June like I should’ve.
What I’m saying is, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t let the past keep you from finding love in the present (or future). Have faith. Have love. Have trust. We can’t be afraid to let people in, if we are then we are going to find ourselves isolated in the world. Alone. Heartbroken. And always wondering why. Don’t be afraid to trust someone with your heart, if it’s left broken-that’s ok- it’ll mend over time. But if you never give it to anyone it’s going to be left cold, untouched, and hard.
So let’s get vulnerable. Let others in. Love each other.